I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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