in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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