Did you just see the Batmobile???
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
