so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
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im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize