you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
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Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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