called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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