Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
