I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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