I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
