if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
You know itās going to be a rough day when you scream āGet fuckedā at your alarm clock
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