What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
