I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize