I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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