Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
