I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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