you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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