Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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