Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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