I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
