He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
