I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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