I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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