I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
