I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
