Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
