dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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