you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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