I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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