I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
