Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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