i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
A+ Viking dick
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
