I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
