There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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