She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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