omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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