Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
