gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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