dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
