hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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