hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
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Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
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the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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