She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
