you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize