just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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