If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
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because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
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I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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