I haven't been this sober since birth.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
