I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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