i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
