someone threw a dead crab at me
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
