break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
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