omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
