: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
did i walk over a car last night?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
