i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
