if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
