i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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