I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
