let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
