I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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