Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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