Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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