someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
