some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
