she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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