I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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