dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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