I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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