I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
