He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
