I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
