I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
