So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
