i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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