I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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