so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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